In contrast to the good points made by the AgileManifesto, the following is offered, in jest, on behalf of those who don't wear ties or khakis.
- Tools should be superior to individuals as they are more reliable, and processes must be superfluid because you don't have the time to wait for les incompetents.
- Working software is self-documenting (...because you're the best).
- Customer "training" over "collaboration", with air-tight contracts to lock-in your strategy.
- As your knowledge >> corporate knowledge, your plan includes overthrowing their nebulous "needs requirements" sheet.
- Overtake corporate customer because with all the dialog (UserStories) you've been having, you know they're completely wrong-headed.
- Take over world.